Marguerite Toliver and Mateenah Floyd-Okanlawan: Thriving in Friendship
Mateenah Floyd-Okanlawan and Marguerite Toliver are dear friends and cancer survivors who know the importance of positive relationships and the powerful impact of receiving help from supportive mentors and friends while traveling the road of cancer treatment and recovery.
Born and raised in Chicago, Marguerite established herself as the vice president of a Fortune 500 company before moving to Stockton from the Bay Area and practicing real estate with Grupe Realtors. For the benefit of others, she has made a habit of speaking openly about her early diagnosis and first cancer surgery at 22. Now a three-time survivor, Marguerite’s experiences have equipped her to counsel, support and advocate for cancer patients. Last year Marguerite received the Eleanor by United/United Way Illuminate Award for her advocacy and in 2011 she was a recipient of the Susan B. Anthony Award for her community service and support of breast cancer patients.
As a registered nurse, Mateenah spent most of her 35-year career working in the ER at Stockton’s Dameron Hospital before taking a nursing position with Planned Parenthood. As a videographer, she has always enjoyed doing stories on people in the community. In 2012 she too received the Susan B. Anthony Award for her work as producer/director/host of The Culture Connection on Comcast. As a two-time cancer survivor, Mateenah credits her SGI Buddhism practice with giving her peace when she first received her cancer diagnosis. “I was not afraid,” she said. “We believe not only in prayer-chanting ‘nam myoho renge kyo’ but in acting and in having faith that you’ll overcome your obstacles. That’s where I get a lot of my strength,” she shared.
The Connection
The two women were generally acquainted but didn’t get to know each other well until they formed a close bond after Mateenah’s diagnosis in 2015. Marguerite committed to taking Mateenah to appointments and chemotherapy sessions. “You just need someone there to take notes, ask questions, and anticipate what to do next,” she said. Mateenah shared, “It was a real bonding experience between us, spending all that time together at chemo appointments.” Luckily, when Mateenah experienced a new cancer diagnosis in 2022, it was not related to the first, but it set her in motion on the familiar path once again.
“People always say, ‘Let me know what I can do to help,’” Mateenah explained. “But sometimes you just don’t know what you need or what you are going to need. And what Marguerite did for me, what she does for people going through this, is she made a schedule, a chart of all my appointments and meals so that any friend could sign up to help with any need. “Yes,” Marguerite added. “You really see people rising to the occasion, even from out of town. They can just check the EXCEL spreadsheet schedule, see what’s upcoming, and sign up to help. Family and friends were able to provide assistance without having to guess what was needed and when,” she explained.
“That chart and coordination were a blessing,” Mateenah continued. “Talking, laughing, visiting, going on an outing, even if it’s just to an appointment, those things made me feel uplifted and supported. That’s the beauty of it, having people with me at my appointments really surprised me at how pleasant it all turned out and how it just made me feel so much better!”
The Results
So much better, in fact, that in January 2016, while Mateenah was in her last chemo treatment, she announced she wanted to participate with Marguerite in Avon’s two-day Breast Cancer Walk in July. Logging 26 miles the first day and 13.3 the second, the event is not for the faint of heart. After her doctors established a few cautionary parameters, they gave their blessing and Mateenah began training. The two friends completed the Bay-area event that included climbing steep San Francisco-area hills through three cities and traversing the Golden Gate Bridge. “It was hard!” they both said, erupting in laughter. Marguerite nodded vehemently. “I used to run half marathons and this was hard!”
Mateenah’s big ideas didn’t end there. She had long been thinking about creating a special day for cancer patients and survivors at no charge. She discussed it with Marguerite and, with the backing of her nursing sorority and Stockton Black Family Day, in 2023 she hosted a day of pampering and support for over 20 survivors “whether they had cancer twenty years ago or got diagnosed twenty minutes ago,” Mateenah beamed. “Because we are women warriors waging battle against this disease, we wore battle paint on our faces and many of us still wear it,” she said, pointing to the white dots over her brow. “You could feel the energy in the room change when that paint went on.”
Both women agree there is no substitute for self-care. “A lot of prayer, meditation and yoga really center me,” Marguerite disclosed. “There is always someone to help lift you. Don’t be afraid to reach out. My favorite quote from Maya Angelou is one I share quite often, ‘Nothing can dim the light that shines from within.’” Mateenah passionately agreed and said, “Self-care is very important and you deserve it. Know your body and what is normal for you, so that if anything seems out of place it can be seen early. Put your hand out. Someone will grab it. And one day you’ll do the same for someone else.”
