How to Use Anxiety to Your Benefit

The wedding is over, the reception is under way, and it is almost time for you to give a toast. All eyes will be upon you, as you offer some heartfelt words. You’re first aware of feeling physically uncomfortable. Your mouth is dry, though amazingly other parts of your body have no problems whatsoever with perspiration.

You might feel wretchedly hot, numbingly cold, or both. You’re not exactly in prime condition to have all others’ eyes upon you. What is happening inside your mind is no picnic either. You’re second-guessing the words you drafted, what you’re wearing, the manner in which you styled your hair, and the especially worrisome thought creeps in that for the love of all that is good, you hope your nose and teeth are clean. You, my dear friend, are caught within the grips of anxiety, and although so much of this feels awful and beyond your control, it’s not so. The good news is that there is plenty you can do.

Anxiety is a natural reaction to something that feels threatening. Our bodies are conditioned to react, whether something truly puts us in danger or not. When you come face to face with a bear, it’s a good thing that you react so strongly. You need to survive, so the “fight or flight” reaction is helpful. However, the wedding toast is no bear. It’s time to channel that energy productively.

First, let’s tackle the physical symptoms. When you know your body is getting stressed, be intentional with counteracting the naturally-occurring fight or flight symptoms. Diaphragmatic breathing is your most powerful tool. This means you take deep and slow breaths that make your tummy expand—not your shoulders rise. You can count to four as you inhale, and again to four as you exhale. By supplying your body with sufficient oxygen, you prevent many of the other unpleasant physical “freak out” reactions. Next, scan your body for the spots where you hold tension. Pay special attention to the back, shoulders, neck, jaw and forehead. Stretch and rub the muscles; deliberately make efforts to relax them.

Now, let’s address your mind. It is common for us to think, “I can’t stand this!” as the nervousness begins. Too much anxiety can indeed be paralyzing, but research also shows that too little of it throws us off our game. We’re not as alert and invested in doing something well, so performance suffers. That means we actually do want to experience some anxiety. To prevent it from becoming too much, however, monitor your thoughts to avoid being overly harsh and self-critical.

Certainly, some self-awareness can be helpful feedback to fine-tune what you do, but now is not the time to unleash the inner critic. If you can, distract yourself from attending to it. Rather than focusing internally, be present with what is happening around you externally, here and now. For any thoughts that you do pay attention to, actively construct them to be helpful, and be careful of statements that include “must” or “should.” For example, avoid saying to yourself, “I must do this perfectly or else I have failed myself and others.” That’s rather harsh, don’t you think? And yet, we have all thought it in some form at one time or another. It does nothing to build you up; it only tears you down. Instead, think “I’m going to do the best that I possibly can. I did what is within my power to prepare, and from here forward, I’ll do my best to adapt to whatever else happens.” On a side note, is it true, and did you do what you could to prepare? That is a separate but related issue. To put your mind at ease, ensure you have done what was healthily possible to be ready for what might be coming your way.

You are within a few minutes of giving your toast. You’ve been breathing deeply, and you will continue to do so as you speak. You relaxed your shoulders and unclenched your jaw. You did your homework and prepared what you want to express. You feel the adrenaline, but you know that it is helping you be skillfully on your feet and attend to the task with focus. You take one more deep breath as you think to yourself, “I am ready to do my best.” The eyes are upon you, because indeed, you are admirable in how you are carrying yourself. Besides, a portion of the audience doesn’t closely attend to your words anyway. They are worrying about what someone else thinks of their words, actions, attire, etc. Anxiety is inevitable, and all of us experience it. The key is knowing how best to work with it.

Sources: psychcentral.com.